Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
06:59 AM
Even though I am not a hunter by nature, I would still like to attend the 'Talkin Turkey' seminar. There's a remote chance I may learn something. Beer preference: Cold. FDA Chair
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
11:53 AM
As a longtime pursuer of the illustrious and challenging Woodchuck, I must chime in and take offense to some of the comments appearing on this page. 1) There is one hell of a lot more meat on most woodchucks than there is on a stupid bird. 2) You don't have to sit in a stupid blind and dump hundreds of dollars on "camo" gear to hunt Chuck. 3) No season. No permits. No hassle. I actually think your Foreign Minister is way ahead of the curve when it comes to the "sport" of hunting. How do I get ahold of him? Or, more to the point, how do I get ahold of "Dixie?" Sincerely, Elmer P Fudd Four Corners, Arkansas P.S: Great website, Curtamous! P.S.S: ANY kind of meeting involving beer is GOOD!
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
11:59 AM
Attn: Paul Johnson. Nice to see you visit and took time to post. Some advise, however....RUN!!! Don't get sucked in! This is a gnarly bunch. You can check out any time you want, buy you can't never leave. Don't say I didn't warn you. Attn: Sturgeon. You are sick...did you not notice Curt's warning to "Keep it clean?" Now I can't even eat my lunch. Thanks. Carl
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
12:58 PM
A man goes to see the priest. "Father, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The priest asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The priest, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The priest then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the priest calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the priest replied, "Take the poison."
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
04:27 PM
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
04:35 PM
I see that Paul Johnson admits to holding on to his rod, but admitting to holding on to two raises a little suspicion. I thought you guys were supposed to keep this site clean. Joe Schlabotnik, Two Cheeks Tennessee
Date:
04/01/2004
Time:
06:16 PM
I would like to inquire on the strategies of hunting the turkey. Beer preference, cold. Please save me a seat, also look for a "Toolman" update in the next Diatribe.
Date:
04/05/2004
Time:
01:28 PM
My apologies to those who submitted info for today's update... I did not get them in my mailbox until a few minutes ago... they will be included in next weeks update... sorry... But to the rest of you, they WILL be worth waiting for... curtamous
Date:
04/07/2004
Time:
10:37 AM
Thanks go out to Zumbo, the Great White Hunter for hosting the Talking Turkey Seminar. Cold beer, good music, and some fine pool. Oh yeah, there was some discussing about turkey hunting, too. A great night all around. The turnout wasn't great, but that only meant more for those who showed up. Once again, the FM was a no-show, but maybe next time Mrs. FM will let him out of the house. FDA Chair
Date:
04/07/2004
Time:
01:08 PM
Hey Mr. FDA Wiseass, if you had taken a minute away from your pool escapades and looked out the window, you would have seen the FM walking up and down KB with a picket sign--he was playing the role of "conscientous objector." Pay attention!
Date:
04/08/2004
Time:
08:20 AM
That last comment of mine to the FM must have hit a nerve. He seems a bit touchy about it. It least the FM Junior was able to be there. He must have enough nads to ask permission to go out. FDA Chair
Date:
04/09/2004
Time:
09:02 AM
This is the FM. To set the record straight, I did not post the sarcastic message to the FDA. I thought you knew me better than that. First off, I would never refer to the FDA as a "wiseass." A comment like that would only be directed at Junior Membership. Secondly, I would never object to anything that Zumbo coordinates. Thirdly, I was sincerely hoping to attend the seminar, but as always just had too many commitments on my schedule for that evening. That is why I sent the young ambassador to represent me. He came home with a full report. Thank you and Happy Easter. Curt, please don't shoot the Easter Bunny.
Date:
04/09/2004
Time:
11:47 AM
You know I’m always pull’n for you fellas. Well, I know there are a lot of deer hunters out there, and well, I want to give you some advise about – one of those situations that you just might find yourself in one of these days. It’s about 2:00 in the afternoon and you have headed out to find a nice spot to post at the back of the forty for the afternoon hunt. You find a nice spot just into the frozen swamp a ways, and you sit yourself down and lean back against a tree and begin to “blend-in” for the hunt. About 1/2 an hour goes by and you’re really settling in, pick’n up noises––and hey this going to be the spot for that big one… It’s about this time that your stomach makes this deep growling sound and does a flip-flop in the middle of your abdomen, and you realize that the camp chili you had for lunch is going to make a run for the border. Typically, you do what is common in a potential crisis situation––you go into denial. You push yourself down tight to that hot seat and say to yourself––I’ll be fine. But, 15 minutes later you find yourself squeezing your cheeks together so hard you develop ass cramps. And finally you realize that––this is going to happen… Now, instead of looking around for deer, you find yourself looking around for a fallen cedar that you can hang your ass over and create some brown movement of your own. Then, panic strikes. No T.P. You can really loose control at this moment if you are not prepared to handle just this situation. Now, where we hunt, a lot of the time it’s raining or has been raining. If you are considering leaves––keep in mind “wet leaves won’t wipe”. You end up feeling that you just wiped your ass with wax paper and Vaseline. If it been colder out, you may find the leaves have a frosty coating on them. Beware, this can result in a dangerous situation. First, the moment your hot steam’n ass comes in contact with these leaves, the leaves will disintegrate, effectively eliminating any barrier between your hand and your untidy behind. And second, upon contact between these two opposing forces, your asshole may vacate the vicinity seeking a friendlier, less aggressive environment and may not be at your disposal the next time called into service. I don’t recommend the pine or spruce bough method either. That’s where you snap off about a two-foot bough and thrust it between your legs repeatedly until some level of cleansing is realized. This can take several minutes. You may find you have drawn a crowd of local forest creatures for this kind of action, and heaven forbid, if one of the guys are just around the next tree. No, here is what you do. Just after you drop your pants and before you hang your ass over that cedar, take out your skinnin’ knife, reach to the left and cut your underwear from the elastic at the top to the bottom of that side. Then do the same on the right hand side. Next, grab the underwear in the front and pull it out from between your legs like a diaper. Now, cut off one piece just under the barn door flap and set it aside, do not utilize this piece at this time. Now cut the remaining piece into 3 as equal pieces as possible. Do your business now and carefully use these last 3 pieces to treat your behind to a thorough wiping with products it is already most accustomed to.
Date:
04/09/2004
Time:
06:11 PM
It doesn't suprise me that the FM didn't make the seminar, he hasn't attended a BBC funtion in years, why should he start now. I see that he has already reserved excuses for the upcoming year. He might as well resign. Sec. Weights and Measures
Date:
04/09/2004
Time:
08:07 PM
I never thought that the "Talkin Turkey" seminar would lead to the amount of malcontent that has surfaced in the "guestbook." Seems to me that there is only one sure way to lead to a peaceful solution - A "Watchin Woody" nite hosted by the FM at the woodchuck ranch. Hopefully Dixie will read this entry and relay the suggestion to the FM. Zumbo
Date:
04/12/2004
Time:
10:40 AM
Zumbo... don't let the cat fighting concern you... as a father, you'll recognize this akin to a child acting out to get attention... Our SEC-Weights/Measure, a fine young man I might add, and great driver, is mearly looking for some attention from the FM, and ultimately trying in his own way to get the FM to attend our functions, as his attendance always hightens our already great times... despite the fact that this isn't really an issue, I REALLY like your idea of the "Watchen Woody" night at the Woodchuck ranch... However, I'd like to request that we rename the event to something different... curtamous
Date:
04/12/2004
Time:
04:39 PM
You boys will be "watchin" long and hard to try and find the FM's "woody." I think he's had it taken from him..ha ha ha ha ha!
Date:
04/12/2004
Time:
07:40 PM
Zumbo asked if I would write and ask if he could reserve a Grandstand seat for him at the Friday nite Superstock car unveiling. He also mentioned that he may bring me along if i am done skinning his "bird" by then! (if you know what I mean). He said that plucking is a skillful job that needs a delicate hand. He also mentioned something about going turkey hunting this week. Sincerely, Trixie LaDouche
Date:
04/13/2004
Time:
06:23 AM
So what time is this meeting of the minds going to occur on friday?? ~sturgeon g.
Date:
04/14/2004
Time:
03:46 PM
That explains alot about the FM!
Date:
04/14/2004
Time:
09:46 PM
The festivities will begin roughly 8:00. The car should be totally lettered and possibly the new motor in. The Sec of Transportation is eager to lift the tarp. Sec of Weights and Measures
Date:
04/15/2004
Time:
11:48 AM
Date:
04/15/2004
Time:
12:12 PM
Talk about having a bad day! I thought I was one tough dude! I was 231/2 pounds with a 10" beard and I thought I was King of the Roost. There I was out struttin my stuff at 9am in the morning when I hear these two goofy hens making a racket, clucking and purring like crazy. I was about 200 yards away so I thought I'd take a stroll over to see what all the fuss was about. I leasurely strolled over taking notice that the Zumbo guy was not sitting where he normally does. I swung out as far as I could and then amgled in to get a closer look. I heard a loud "putt" and lifted my head up and "Boom" the lights went out. I.d just gotten "Zumbo'd"...... Tom T. Turkey
Date:
04/15/2004
Time:
08:24 PM
First off, congrats to the great Zumbo! I can't wait to see the photo album of this one. Secondly, I need to have some what of an accurate count for BBC night at the Shop. Please call or post on this site, thanks, Sec of Weights and Measures
Date:
04/16/2004
Time:
01:51 PM
Memo to the SEC-Weights/Measures: RE: Somewhat Accurate Count Suggestion: When everyone arrives tonight, count them somewhat accurately...
Date:
04/16/2004
Time:
03:41 PM
To the Sec. Weights/Measures, I won't be able to make it for the untarping. FDA Chair
Date:
04/19/2004
Time:
08:53 AM
Checking to see if the guestbook still works...
Date:
04/19/2004
Time:
09:01 AM
I think its all working... imagine that! Drop me a line if you have any problems... curtamous
Date:
04/21/2004
Time:
11:10 AM
wow - after seeing this I'll never owe you another candy bar :)
Date:
04/21/2004
Time:
11:42 AM
Got this in my email box: Thought you might want to know. The bar has been raised a notch. The President scored this morning at 7:50am. 24 lbs, 10 1/2" beard. Of course he had to shoot one bigger than the one I got. I guess it's all about being #1 for the King. Had a good time. The new blind worked great. Zumbo
Date:
04/22/2004
Time:
04:16 PM
I'm about to be off to see if everything really is bigger in Texas. I'll miss you guys. Not. To the Fish Camp Crew-Good Luck and Good Fishin'.Please take care of The Bartender. To Zumbo and Prez..congrats! Good Luck to AG next week. I will have Dixie begin to coordinate the Woodchuck Seminar(to be held sometime after Fish Camp) while I'm gone and I will provide y'all a report upon my return. Sincerely, The FM.
Date:
04/30/2004
Time:
06:10 PM
well i guess i should tell everybody that i got a turkey. And here is how it went all down. well after school at about 12:00 we headed out to the stand. as we were walking steve tells me to be quite. he said he saw a turkey. he looked again and sure enough there he was standing there with a hen. but i couldn't get a shot so we crawled to the other side of the hill and see if i could get a shot there. but they must of headed into the woods because they weren't there. so we headed to the blind. it took about a good hour and a half for the jake to get to us. i was half way asleep when i clucked. i perked up and a hen came walking across. about 10 minuets later here comes the jake walking along looking at the hot hen decoy. he goes up to the decoy and looks at it. then he walks away and i said i was going to shoot. steve tried to make him stop but he wouldn't. but he finally did and once he did BOOM. went down like a ton of bricks. (i had my eyes closed, that is wat steve said) and that was my hunting for the season Matt Mathies