The curtamous page
As most of you already know, our Sec-Weights/Measure had another “incident” that lead to another trip to the hospital… where all the staff knows him by name… (kinda like when “Norm” on cheers entered the Bar… same with our Sec…) Anyway, this particular mishap involved his toe and was serious enough to require 6 weeks off work to recover…
Due to his propensity for disaster, I have dubbed him “Tim the Toolman”. Tim Taylor (Home Improvement) has the same keen ability to destroy and be destroyed… and since our very own Tim the Toolman has six weeks of nothing to do, I have asked him to keep a diary of his adventures…
Here’s
his story…
Dear
Diary,
Today
turned out to be somewhat of an eventful day. I decided to get up after a phone
call from my lovely girlfriend at roughly 11:00 a.m. Sat in bed and thought
about how tough it is to be paid to lay in bed this late. Then thought about how
tough it is going to be to do it for the next six weeks or so.
After
having a delicious lunch of pegosi that was brought over by the FDA Chairman on
last Thursday, I got a burst of ambition. I did the dishes. This requires taking
one of my friends, Pete the Painkiller. After that was done, time for a rest. It
is hard to go from completely dormant to working your tail off for 10 minutes.
Might as well do some laundry while I am laying here. The biggest chore, getting
the dirty laundry to the washer. Having three legs to walk on is cool, but I
don't have any hands, they are working two of my legs.
Now
on to supper. Spaghetti and meat sauce. Not tough, unless you are hopping around
the kitchen on one leg so you can use two hands. My life is a day of trading in
that sense.
Suffering
from withdrawal at this point. No online sheephead yet. Must fix computer. 5
minutes and done with that thanks to a phone call to Colorado.
Now
on to an exciting night of watching TV. Decided to make cookies too. Not bad,
realized that the last thing that I need is more food to make me fat while lying
on the couch all day.
After that exhilarating day, time for bed. Good night diary.
Ric
Dear
Diary,
Today
was a long day. Had to be at The Bar for 1:00 for lunch. Luckily, I got myself
up at 10:45 am. It was a close one. Set up our Denmark Merchants milk bottle
tourney down here. Looks like we should make roughly $2000 on it. That should be
enough to get Either here for the Worlds. Rushed home to make key phone calls to
members of the domesticated barley beverage industry to get an exclusive beer
for the event. Looks like it is
between Miller Lite and Coors Light. I will have to use my keen sales skills to
con them into all kinds of free stuff so they can have their beer at the
tourney.
Went
to my old place of employment also today. Had a slice of one of the best
cheesecakes I have tasted in a long time. Again,
more fatting food that I don't need. On my way to losing some weight though.
Found a new workout partner in the BBC Comptroller.
Good partner, the GB East workout ethic shows.
Plans to meet with him again tomorrow at 10:00am. I don't even remember
if the sun is up at that time any more. It must mean that my eyelids don't have
a leak, or the sun isn't up.
Watched
the movie "Radio" to wind down the evening, mixed with folding
laundry. Highly recommend the movie. Good start, a little slow in the middle,
great last 30 to 45 minutes.
Well
diary, that is all for tonight...
see you tomorrow.
Ric
Dear
Diary,
Wow,
today was an early one. Had to be up at 9:00am to meet the Comptroller at the
weight room. Good workout today, worked back and biceps. Should be hard to wash
my hair tomorrow. Had to take a nap. To my surprise, the sun is up at 9:00. It
almost hurt my eyes. Got a little shopping down. Boy, old people sure are pushy
that early in the morning at Wal Mart. They must think that with the crutches I
have three legs to run around on. Note to self: Get out of the way of those
buggies. Old people think they own the aisle. Buggies and crutches, not enough
room for both. Old people win. Motors beat one leg.
Relaxing
night at home. Made some lasagna venison helper for supper for my roommate and I
(not Amanda). Brought back memories of living together at 750 Cherry St. Good
laughs. Washed down with the last of the Uncle Larry's house warming gift, Honey
Weiss. Good stuff. Good talk with the roommate, made sure his son was more than
welcome. Had the pleasure of talking to mom tonight. Getting the crib that
housed all of us grandchildren at one time or another for Kyle's boy. Finished
the night relaxing and watching a Bond marathon. Can't go wrong, especially with
the help of percacet.
Toe
is good, can't wait till Monday so I know if the little piggy stays or not.
Bed
time now diary, have to be up at 8:30 tomorrow morning.
Till
tomorrow, good night.
Ric
29
Jan 2004
Now for the highlight of my day, as far as I knew then, lunch with my beautiful
girlfriend. Enjoyed a tasty nug at Subway. Good food and conversation. On
the way home, received a call from our resident J.R. Ewing, Kevin Lotto, down in
Louisiana. Sounds like Sheephead is on for this afternoon. Turns out to be about
a 2 hour game. I assume he knows what it feels like to get paid to play
sheephead. He was doing it at work.
Turns out that was just a warmup for cards for the evening. Sashayed to the
local Contractors Card Club (CCC)for the usual Thursday night card game. Took
them for a mere $250 on the night. Poker and hold 'em. Not a bad nights work.
Also found out that the toe story had escalated to a 90 ft. steel beam falling
from 12 ft up and crushing my whole foot. Had to set them straight. They agreed
to keep the big story for the women though.
Until tomorrow, good night diary.
Ric
30
Jan 2004
Just
a short visit with you today. Not much happened. Was up at 6:00 am with the
"Toolwoman". Had to help her pack for her trip this weekend. After a
long night with the CCC, went back to bed at 8:00. Comptroller called at 11:00
to say that he was too busy to lift. That was a blessing, my pain killers
wouldn't have worn off in time to workout anyway. Decided to sleep until 1:00
pm. The rest of my day consisted of moving from the couch only to go to the
bathroom. This worked until about 11:00 pm. Time to play cards. Seeing James
Bond gamble so much during the day, I decided to try some myself.
I have been on a streak as of late anyway. Kyle came home and we watched
an American classic, "Blues Brothers" over a Budweiser.
That is all that I have for today Diary, I will see you on Sunday.
Ric
01
Feb 2004
It has been a long time Diary. This weekend was pretty uneventful until tonight.
There is nothing like a good Super Bowl to liven up the weekend. Got to spend
time with the President's daughter and the Son in Law for the game. Nice pad
they have. Never be able to tell that they are college kids. It must be the
Presidential grants that they receive. I must have forgotten to sign up for that
one when I went to college. Made a pot of chili for it. Tried unsuccessfully to
copy the mayor’s. It is hard to reach such lofty goals though. I could never
bring it to deer camp needing to reach such high standards set by the FDA. I was
the only male to see the undressing of Janet by J.T. Looked healthy from a
medical standpoint.
Two
movies reviewed on the weekend. S.W.A.T is a must see. Great action and story
line. One downfall. Samuel L. Jackson doesn't say M-F'er a single time. Over
under on that out of Vegas was 4.5. I took the over, thank god no money was on
it.
Tears of the Sun wasn't worth it's weight in anything I can think of. Kind
of like Attorney General's sex life. Early climax, a snoozer after that. Did get
to enjoy a Jim Beam Black manhattan with my roommate. Only highlight to that
one. Once again, thought process of a women cost the lives of American soldiers
and innocent people. That must be why one hasn't been president. Of our country
that is. Everyone knows, there will never be one at deer camp. That thought
helped me sleep last night.
Till tomorrow dearest Diary. Good night.
Toolman
02
Feb 2004
Thought
for the day; weren't cell phones invented so you could be reached at all times?
I thought so. I think some people need to take that class before graduating from
college. It would have saved one person a couple of miles, uphill in 4 inches of
snow, on the ole' crutches.
Good night diary. Can't promise too much activity for tomorrow. Just dinner with
the girlfriends parents for her b-day. Till tomorrow, good day.
Toolman
Note:
in previous entry, I made reference to "Attorney General", meant
"Sturgeon". If you think it is appropriate, change to that, or change
to me. Thanks
03 Feb 2004
Had supper at Nakashima's. The Seigo's of the south. Very pricey but a good
morsel to have after a few libations. Fortunately, I got all of the leftovers
from the table. Enough to feed half of deer camp. I hope it tastes as good as
chinese does reheated.
Thanks
to the Sec of Da Fence, I was able to obtain tickets to the Badgers vs. North
Dakota hockey game on Friday night for the toolwoman's b-day. Very exciting.
Have to find a cheaper supplier, one case of Bud light is a little much,
especially since he is not of legal age. I know I waited until I was legal, like
the rest of our family. Will be spending time with him after the game and some
time with cousin Laura possibly before, during and after. Depending on her mood.
Seems there is a pre-party for the event that she will be attending.
Hopefully
it is worth the service charge from the Sec.
good night diary.
Love always,
Toolman
04
Feb 2004
the Toolman
05
Feb 2004
To end
out the day, a trip up to the mayor's house and a trip to Waldo with the Sec
of Transportation. Got quality car parts at a quality price. Thanks to the
BBC. Good conversation between the bro and myself. Hope to make a couple more
of those with them. It helps break up the monotony of the day.
Toolman
08
Feb 2004
Saw the Sec of Da Fence's pad, very nice. Met up with Zumbo's eldest daughter,
she seemed to be having a good time. Enjoyed a libation or two with her, and her
roommates.
First
experience crutching through public places. Would have been fine if my own
girlfriend wouldn't have kept trying to amputate it at each bar. Good time
though, good exercise.
Until the end of a new day Diary, Good day.
Toolman
Dear
Diary,
What
a long day. The toolwoman was home from work and school sick all day. Took care
of her. Had a little bump in the road with the softball team, had to have a
little heart to heart with them. Hopefully gets us back on track. Got some more
work done on the ole bachelor party. Things are coming together smoothly, more
to come tomorrow. Tried to get some therapy for the leg that I haven't walk on
full strength in a couple of weeks now. Looks like that will add some time on to
my worker's comp check. Speaking of which, didn't get today. Apparently they
forgot to inform me that they were missing some information on my last
appointment that they were supposed to get a week ago. Nice of them to tell me
on Thursday when they so rudely woke me up at 10:00 am. Now I have to wait, it
is not like I have bills to pay or a house to pay off. Had to have some choice
words with the company, they said that it would be here tomorrow. It is a good
thing that the mayor is my mother, that must be where I get the attitude from.
More
to come another day, Diary.
Toolman
17
Feb 2004
Dear Diary,
It has been a week now since I have spoken with you. I sure have missed you. The past week hasn't had much to speak of. A couple of highlights though that I would like to share with you. As the healing process continues, life is slowly but surely getting back on track. I as gifted with a call from my future employer on Thursday, apparently they want to promote me before I even get to start. I no longer have to spend anytime on the truck, I am going right into sales. Apparently they feel I am too valuable to waste driving a delivery route, it took long enough. On Friday, I set up a lunch meeting with the VP and the FDA Chair. Good meal at The Bar on Holmgren Way. Played a couple of games of pool. The FDA and myself teamed up against the VP and a co-worker of his. FDA and myself must have read each other's minds. We set up the perfect mindset for a hustle the next time we meet. As bad as we were, the FDA way better than I, it could only have been on purpose. Hints of a spring bored meeting were brought up, also a discussion of the second best weekend of the year, FISH CAMP. Made a guy feel nice and warm inside.
The weekend brought upon the worst holiday in the world, Valentine's Day. Must
have been made up by a woman, it is just a reason to spend money and go to the
mall. Had a good time though. Spent time with the Toolwoman's family at the
Kaukauna Fireman's ball. Chicken sucked, the rest was okay. Shared good hunting
stories with her uncle, who returned some good ones.
Monday brought a trip to the Mayor's house to snag some traveling gear for my
adventure to the Big Easy. J.R. Ewing will be awaiting my arrival at the airport
there. After this trip, I may have to join the VP on his 40 day dry out period
that he annually embarks on. I have to have one for so many people that I may
not be able to have one for myself. It is J.R.'s birthday, I am sure that
doubling that with Mardi Gras will not leave us at a loss for fun.
The
mayor is also leaving town for a couple of days with her eldest sister to visit
relatives in Texas, happy trails to her.
Diary,
if I can, I will speak to you from Mardi Gras, if not, see you on Sunday. I will
be thinking of you as always.
Toolman
(Note: Since the SEC-Weights/Measures deemed the effort too much for him to give us a final update on his trip to New Orleans, the FDA Chairman was kind enough to summarize it for us...)
Seems the Secretary of
Weights and Measures woke up in his hotel room after a long night of partying on
Bourbon Street. He didn’t
remember coming back to the room, his head was pounding, and his mouth tasted
like the bottom of a pig farmer’s boot, but he was in his own hotel room, his
billfold was on the nightstand, and his toe wasn’t any worse than
the day before, so he figured things were OK.
He decided to take a shower and face the day.
As he got ready to
shower, he looked down, and saw 2 rings around his manhood, one red, and one
brown. Understandably, this was
very upsetting to the Secretary. He
decided he had better get this checked out, so he headed to the nearest clinic.
When he got to see the
doctor, the doctor asked what was wrong, so the Secretary told him the whole
story. The doctor told him to drop his pants, so he could get a look
at the rings. The doctor was very
puzzled, and said he had never seen anything like this.
He decided to take a sample of each ring to get it analyzed.
Since the Secretary was
from out of town, the doctor told him to wait for the results.
After 3 long hours the doctor came back with the results.
The doctor said,
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
The Secretary took a deep
breath, and said, “Give me the good news first.”
The doctor said, “Well
we’ve determine that the rings are not serious, and only on the surface of the
skin. We were able to find out right away that the red ring is made
up of lipstick.”
The Secretary breathed a
sigh of relief. He then remembered
that the doctor had 2 pieces of news, so he asked the doctor for the bad news.
The doctor said, “That’s what took so long. The material in the brown ring was much tougher to figure out”
The Secretary, got very quiet, and asked. “So what was it?”
The doctor replied, “Skoal.”
As promised in my entry, I have an update to the Toolman Diary.
Since I last corresponded, a lot has happened. I have been to Mardi Gras and back, had the toe healthy and in danger of losing it again, and was a race car driver and then not. First though, a long awaited update from my trip to New Orleans. I believe that I would have experienced more with two good legs. The theme to the trip was, "Jimmy Shadow and Ryan Steele ride again". It is a commonly used story between the two gentlemen involved. New Orleans is definetly a different world. The ghettos that you see in movies, have to be filmed there. That town is definetly a dump. As for the girls, it didn't live up to expectations. The time that I spent on Bourbon street showed me only 4 pairs of breasts, only 2 worth looking at. Even at 2:30 in the morning, they weren't that great, and this is coming from the Secretary of Weights and Measures. I did however experience a wonderful thing called "Mom's ball." this is a large party where 5000 men and women come dressed in costumes and lingerie and drink for a small price of $35 all you can drink beer. This must have been where all of the women where hanging out, there sure were a bunch that were absolutely exsquisite. Gorgeous women in teddys or less. It was like Woodstock, except in a warehouse. The was beer, and free love everywhere. I have a picture of the girl I spent time with because no one would believe me if I didn't, I don't think anyone will anyway. It must have been the crutches, she came to talk to me, I didn't know what to do, a beautiful girl, under 140, coming to take me home. It was a good thing that I believed in the magical powers of beer. It is truly a wonderful thing.
Anyway, the weather was nice. Sunny and 70 everyday. That would attribute to the mass amounts of beer consumed by myself and my esteemed colleague. I also learned one more thing, when it is hot out, stay away from the hurricanes, I believe that it is a southern strain of CWD. It brought on roughly the same effects of CWD. More research will have to be done.
Well, time to back for Illinois. Training for the new job calls. There will be an update when I get back, or when I am done there as to the rest of the things that have gone on since then. Good night diary.
Toolman
Dear Diary,
Due to the busy schedule, I hope that you will not be disappointed that I will only be visiting you on a weekly basis. First off, Happy Easter to you. This was a great weekend. I was able to spend that eve of the holiday being enlightened by our esteemed President, the VP and the FM. I think that the VP will back me up when I say that the FM needs to think about getting himself a cocktail waitress out at the woodchuck farm. The VP was on a 40 day drought from a sweet domesticated libation, and the FM made him wait to the point that the VP was forced to spit dust out to make it obvious that we were in need of some beverages. Then to make it worse, we had to get some ourselves. You would think that a man that hasn't made it to a BBC event in years, with this year's Deer Camp excused, would make a better attempt at making up for lost ground. Things did improve though. Conversation and libations were enjoyed. Thanks to the FM for his donation to the Denmark Merchants, it will be greatly appreciated.
Easter itself was a great gathering of family and friends. Food was excellent. Enjoyed convo with the VP's eldest, always entertaining. Good kid. I have to compliment his effort in finding his girlfriend. One call is enough. Nice job.
Injury update:
Last Friday I had a picc line installed. It is a 38 centimeter IV line. Not fun. I have to a wear a "fanny pack", something that was obviously fashioned out in San Francisco. It is amazing how 10 weeks after the accident, I have a better chance of losing
the toe than I did the day that it happened. I guess an infection will do that. The goal now is to be ready by the 3rd weekend in May. We are lucky enough to be playing the #2 team in the world, The Farm, at the lower diamond at Kimberly on at 8:00 on Saturday night. It doesn't get any better than that. Let us hope that all goes well.
Finally, on a sadder note. A great man passed away on Saturday morning. Mr. Leiterman fell victim to cancer, kidney failure and diabetes. You know that he was a great man if it took three things that each alone would kill a common man, to take his life. My thoughts and prayers are extended to him and his family. It was truly a sad day on Saturday. I have never played a sport for a better man, I don't know if I ever will either.
Good night and God Bless
Toolman
Last Updated: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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