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January 2005 Archived Notes
January
31, 2005 - Well good morning to all and a very Happy Monday! How's everyone doing? I hope everyone have a great weekend! Mine was very quiet... No basketball, no football, no parties, no projects, no nothing... Overall, a pretty good weekend... Gotta have those once in a while...
Luckily The President didn't know about my quiet weekend as I think he was over at the son-in-law's new house all weekend painting. The house is near Ma/Pa Nelson's place, so I noticed the presidential truck over there multiple times, but I was too afraid to go check it out... figured I might get enlisted... Hope things are going well there... Looking forward to having the happy couple in Denville soon!
Spent some time with the SEC-Transportation this weekend retrieving Pa Nelson's snowblower. That sucker works good now! Maybe the SEC-Transportation should get this repair guy to work on his stock car... maybe he'd win more than twice a year then... Ha... Ha... Ha...
Here's this week's motivational info for you:
VERY TRUE!!!
Kind of a weird weekend without football, wasn't it? We better get used to it though. No football for a long time now... Well, there is the Superbowl this weekend, but that's been turned into such a circus that its hardly about the game anymore... We'll see... hopefully the game is OK...
Well, we have a new winner for last week's question of the week. The two parter was won by none other than Dixie LaRue, Special Executive Assistant to the FM. Her answers were, 1) Yes and 2) No. Figures... BUT, since she was the only respondent, she IS the official winner. She can arrange her trip to The President's garage at her leisure... You ready for that Mr. President? Here's this week's question:
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Please feel free to submit your answers in the
guestbook... Again, the best answer of the week gets an all expenses paid trip to The President's garage...
I think we need one of these signs at the top of the driveway at Deer Camp:
All right, we all knew it, but its official now... The newsletter won't be shipped in January... Big freaken surprise... I COULD have driven in and printed it over the weekend, but why screw up a perfectly good weekend by getting something accomplished? It should be done by the end of February... maybe...
Saw this last week, can't remember where, maybe from the FM or FDA Chair, and it cracked me up. I was going to change a few names, but I'm too lazy. Pretty funny just the way it is:
William and Mildred were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly.
William brushed her off rather rudely. Mildred objected, "William, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."
"Mildred, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, William called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. William opened it and Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.
"So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom.
"I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Candie came up behind William pointed slyly at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?
I'm guessing Bill didn't have a great trip after that...
Word is the FDA Chair will be making up some
Booyah this weekend. Sunday's mass is for Chuck and Chris, and that's as good a reason as any to get him off his ass and cook us some
Booyah... Can't hardly wait!
That's it for today... Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members:
"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." --Socrates
Pretty funny that things don't change,
even after a few thousand years...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
January
24, 2005 - Howdy folks, and a happy Monday to all! Had myself another nice long weekend, including a fair amount of snow blowing, and am more than ready for another week of work. Well, whatever you call this stuff I do here...
How 'bout that storm? Pretty nice... lots of white fluffy flakes followed by wind and cold temps. Nothing like living in Wisconsin! Other than snapped shear pins and a leaky fuel line on my blower and Pa Nelson's blower not working at all, I had a great time!
Speaking of Pa Nelson's blower, what's up with that?
SEC-Transportation "fixed"
it this fall, and it hasn't been the same since!!! He claims to have built his own stock car, but can fix a freaken snow blower? I'm
beginning to wonder... Well, after he returned from the north country on a snowmobile expedition, he did agree to help me haul it to a real repairman, so that's not so bad...
Last week I got a call from Jack the Cat (Carolina resident) and he was down in Sheboygan
doing some training or other such nonsense. He was looking for real Wisconsin drinking buddies, but it jus wouldn't work out. Felt kinda bad, as I have yet to meet the famous Jack the Cat, but I'm sure the time will come, and I'll see if he's really as big as a
mountain. I'm kinda hoping his lovely wife reads the diatribe one of these days and gives us HER side of that story...
Here's this week's motivational info for you:
I don't know if I'm up with that one, but its always a good fallback response...
After reporting last week that the SEC-Weights/Measures might actually pull this ice fishing thing off at the end of the month, he has postponed it. Well, I can't argue, as he did do it on advice from The President, and it sounds like if you want, you're welcome to head down on Sunday anyway... Just let him know...
Football was pretty good this weekend despite both teams I was rooting for losing... nothing new there... I was hoping for Donatell to make it and I'm getting a little sick of hearing about what a "genius" Belechek is, so I was hoping for an Atlanta/Pitt matchup. Oh well, who cares...
After The President and Zumbo won the "question of the week" the last two weeks, they seem to have scared off other entrants. NO
respondents last week. I can't blame the junior members for being scared, but really, there is no stupid answer... Well, you know what I mean.. Here's this week's question, its a two parter:
"1a. If a man is in a forest, talking to himself, with no woman around...is he still wrong?"
"1b. If a woman is in a forest, talking to herself...is she still complaining?"
Please feel free to submit your answers in the
guestbook... Again, the best answer of the week gets an all expenses paid trip to The President's garage...
For all you yuppies out there who think its cool to leave the last half inch of beer in the bottom of your glass because its "a little warm", here's a reminder for you:
And quit being wussies!!!
Newsletter production begins this week... I may actually get the damn thing out before the end of the month... I doubt it, but its possible...
The FDA Chair was kind enough to help with proofing, so thanks to him as
well... And, straight from the FDA Chair's desk, here are the "THE WORLDS THINNEST BOOKS!":
FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac
HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda
MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno
HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver
MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS
by Dan Marino
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
MY WILD YEARS
by Al Gore
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT: a Travel Guide
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
by the EPA
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
And the world's Number One Thinnest Book.
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction
by The Rev. Jessie Jackson
For those of you that sent get well cards and notes of sympathy to my truck, you'll be happy to know she's
healthy (for an 18 year old truck) and happy and back on the road. A new master cylinder was all she needed... and a little TLC. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...
Zumbo's beautiful bride turned 39 again last week. If you didn't yet, give her a call and send her your best wishes. This year I catch up to her...
That's it for today... Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members:
"If you think that something small cannot make a difference - try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room." -- Unknown
There are a LOT of comments I have in response to that, but none are appropriate...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
January
18, 2005 - Happy Tuesday Morning!!! Wow, its great to be back... OK I'm lying... but I am back, and in a better mood than I've been. Work had been a little tough lately, so I took last Friday off, and of course, we had the day off for MLK day, so I had a great 4 day weekend. Didn't really have much I HAD to do either, so it was a great weekend overall...
Well, as is the tradition, I headed out to Zumbo's ranch yesterday for the annual MLK Bunny Hunt. Well, let me say, it was freaken cold... actually, not too bad as we were dressed well, but at times the wind would catch you and damn near freeze your face off. And as hard as it is to believe, my typical hunting luck was able to bring Zumbo's luck down and we saw nothing... not a single bunny to even miss... But it was a great day to be out and I enjoyed it immensely! Thanks Zumbo!
With all the cold weather we've been having, here's some more motivational info for you:
That's like one of the Ten Commandments at the BBC!
Looks like the SEC-Weights/Measures may actually pull this ice fishing thing off at the end of the month. There's quite a bit of chatter in the
guestbook, and it sounds like the shanty is up and running. My question is, can it hold 16 BBC members? We'll see, won't we...
Spent quite a bit of the weekend over at the Denville schools for the annual 5th-8th grade Boys BB Tourney. The AG,
Chief, and FM-Junior all played and had an OK tourney. I was lucky enough to see the SEC-State and his beautiful bride Friday night, and he even took my beautiful bride and I to a local establishment where he pried a few libations into her... You may want to inquire about that issue some day in the future... Also was lucky enough to run into The President multiple times at the event, which is always a good thing... Also in
attendance were the FM and Executive Assistant (son-in-law), but the FM was too busy to even acknowledge my presence... But, he IS a busy man...
Speaking of the future son-in-law (Executive Assistant), he and his beautiful future bride have made an agreement to purchase a new abode in the
wonderful city of Denville. A lovely domicile with PLENTY of room for offspring. (Or for the President and First Lady to Retire in...) Congrats!
Last week's question of the day was won by non other than Trixie LaDouche. Luckily for her The President didn't chime in with the prefect answer again, or she would have ended up 2nd. I do question what kind of work she's doing in bed, but I'm sure her boss approves! She can collect her prize at any time, but don't expect The President to have a bed in the garage for her to work in... He's not Slick Willy you know... Here's this week's question:
"What did cured ham actually have?"
Please feel free to submit your answers in the
guestbook... Again, the best answer of the week gets an all expenses paid trip to The President's garage...
Does this make sense?
Why not Northern tissue?
Holy crap is the newsletter going well! If a certain senior member would get busy and get me a final proofing, I'd send it to production... I've got one more change for it though... I have a "zumbo original" to add to it... Wait till you see!
You know what? I don't have a joke for today's diatribe... how sad... well, instead, I'll add another picture... Here's
Anheuser's first try at marketing Bud:
First they tried "it tastes like horse piss", but it wouldn't fit on the can... Now they just call it Bud...
Guess what? My "almost" new truck is on the fritz again... Went to push in the clutch on Sunday and something went "snap"! Keep it in your prayers...
Couple of quick notes: Birthday wishes to our comptroller! Sunday he turned another page. Also on Sunday, Ma and Pa Nelson
commemorated 59 years of marriage... holy crap, huh? Contrats to them and Adam!
That's all I have time for today. Back to work you know... Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members:
"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail." -- unknown
Makes me think of the SEC-Weights/Measures for some reason...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
PS.
Late note... I forgot to mention the Badgers big win over Michigan
State... Kicked their butt at the end... I'm sure the AG LOVED
that...
January
11, 2005 - Howdy folks! "Day late and a dollar short"; that's my theme for the day... anyway, welcome to Tuesday! Back from my long eventful trip to Dallas. Not a good time at all... Friday started out OK but it went WAY downhill from there... It got to the point
where I had to miss the first three quarters of the Packer game because I had to GO BACK INTO work... That was after a whole three hours of sleep... So, to be honest, I'm
pretty happy to be back and getting back into the old routine...
Speaking of the Packer game... yuck... Like I said, I didn't see it all, but it was just another typical loss this year. Poor
defense, not hitting on all cylinders, stupid penalties, etc. But I don't know, it was a pretty good year overall and actually a little better than I had hoped...
Yet, its a REALLY bitter pill to lose your last game, in the playoffs, to the ViQueens in
Lambeau...
Does anyone else get a little down with the lack of warmth, sunlight, and general lack of outdoor activity, especially this time of year...? Well, here's some motivational info for you:
Somehow,
that's seems kinda fitting for a couple of our junior members... By the
way, I'm sure that stuff is copywrited©, but we'll wing it...
if you're interested, the website for these things is pretty cool... its
listed at the bottom of the picture...
Hey BBC members; nice use of the guestbook!
Looks like the SEC-Weights/Measures has a little ice fishing planned the weekend of the
29th, so make SURE you sign up... should be fun... I don't think I can make it, but we'll see...
With work being a bitch last week and my general lack of time due to my travel schedule, absolutely no work was done on the newsletter... I have high hopes to get it
done this week... I know better, but its my goal anyway...
Last week's question of the day was won by, of course, The President... personally, I think that's cheating because he knows ALL THE ANSWERS...
(Kinda like getting in a chess tournament with God... best you can do is
second place...) Since he was already in his garage, his prize was kinda moot... Here's this week's question:
"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"
Please feel free to submit your answers in the
guestbook... Again, the best answer of the week gets an all expenses paid trip to The President's garage...
I'm not positive, but I think I've had this in here before, but its such a good lesson, I figured I better make sure and post it again:
The "Buffalo Theory" of Beer..
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!
That story really explains a lot of things, like why so many great ideas come out of Deer Camp...
That's all I have time for today. This whole work thing is REALLY getting to be a pain... time for a lottery ticket. Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members:
"If Elvis Presley had been a bowhunter, he'd probably be alive today." -- Ted Nugent
Ted's a
wildman, so I'm not EXACTLY sure what he
means by that, but I believe it to be very true...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week! Happy New Year!!!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
January
3, 2005 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Welcome to 2005!!! What a great year this is going to be! I know, because I wrote about 5 checks already and put '05 on ALL of them... THAT'S the way to start a new year... Well, that's not true. The proper way to bring in the new year is with
an oil can of Fosters. As my habit has been, I again greeted our new year with one of the large
Australian lagers... Well, one for the east coast and one for us. The sad thing is, I once again had to buy MY OWN Fosters despite someone still OWING me a six pack of the large brews... funny how some people can't keep up their end of a wager...
How 'bout that ice storm on New Year's Day. One minute I'm sucking down the last of my old fashion at my brother-in-law's house, and the next
minute my car is covered in ice. THAT made for a fun ride home, especially since I was
chauffeuring my mother-in-law... ;-) Made it home JUST fine!
Last week was great work-wise. Things were REALLY pretty quiet here despite the fact that I was on call. I was able to get a lot done (more on that later) and got out of the office early. However, I paid for it over the weekend. Calls left and right all over the freaken globe, and to top it off, we had equipment puke in Fonddulac on Sunday, and I HAD TO GO DOWN THERE and replace it. On Sunday... DURING the Packer game... Thank God they won and smacked those Bares around a little... Now we'll see how they do a
third time against those despised ViQueens.
I mentioned that I got a lot of work done last week. Well, I meant that I got a lot of work done "on the newsletter" last week... I would say its in full draft mode. I'll need to tidy up the illustrations, final edit it for flow, and then find some sucker to final proof it. Then comes the hard part.
Production. Do you know how expensive color copies are? Out of this world. So that means I need to find alternate means of printing it which
usually has to be done on the sly and during off hours, if you know what I mean. So, considering my upcoming schedule, the newsletter probably won't get out until later in the month... But I do want to commend everyone on some EXCELLENT material. Should be as great as always.
I mentioned my busy schedule, and I wasn't kidding. Work is running full tilt and this weekend I head to Dallas to perform some maintenance. I fly out Friday and come home Monday, so don't expect an update next week on Monday... and there's a chance you won't get any update at all... tough rocks... its not like anyone reads this drivel...
By the way, thanks to those who actually decided that they CAN type and use the guestbook... looks like they drove away those advertising bastards...
I'm thinking about adding a new weekly feature to the diatribe. Its called the question of the day. Here's this week's question:
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Please feel free to submit your answers in the
guestbook... the best answer of the week gets an all expenses paid trip to The President's garage...
Well, I ran across this little list the other day and I got a chuckle out of it, and most of you will know why...
WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED YET?
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"
You haven't asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
My fiancé is awaiting his/her parole.
I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
It didn't seem worth a blood test.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
Why aren't you thin?
I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
Do you think "you-know-who" can make use of these
answers?
That's all I have time for today. Like I said, I'll be in Dallas next week, hopefully recovering from a Packer-win-induced hangover. Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members:
"I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example." -- Mick Miller.
Just a little travel humor before I go...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week! Happy New Year!!!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
Last Updated: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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