The curtamous page
August 2004 Archived Notes
August 30, 2004 - Howdy folks! Tough morning... feeling a little "under-the-weather" here... church picnics seem to do that to me... had a great time though...
***NEWS FLASH***
Seems one of junior members have tracked down the FM... here's a CNN.COM story with the full explanation:
50,000 beers stolen in 'dumb-crook' caper
Truck driver who disappeared with cargo arrested
TORONTO, Ontario (Reuters) -- Somewhere in Canada there are thieves with nearly 50,000 cans of beer they will have a hard time selling, although police said Thursday the truck driver who disappeared with the loot has been arrested.
The shipment of Moosehead beer, worth over C$75,000 ($57,000), was on its way to Mexico from an East Coast brewery when it went missing, along with the driver.
The transport truck was recovered last week -- still running -- in Grand Falls, New Brunswick, but with most of its cargo missing.
The 30-year-old driver was picked up in Lindsay, Ontario, about 1,600 kilometres (1,000 miles) from Grand Falls. He has been charged with theft but police reported he did not have any beer with him.
The shipment of Moosehead was labeled in English and Spanish for export to Mexico, so it could not be sold in Canada. Nor could it be shipped into or through the United States without proper documentation.
"Its one of these classic, dumb-crook stories," said Joel Levesque, a spokesman for Moosehead.
"They can't sell it anywhere in Canada without giving away the immediate fact that it's been stolen... So we have crooks stuck with 50,000 plus cans of beer that basically they can't fence."
Very little of the stolen beer has been found. Four cans, three of them empty, were found in various parts of the New Brunswick province, according to the police and media reports.
On Monday, police found another 5,000 to 8,000 cans after a half-ton truck with a homemade trailer went off the road in New Brunswick. The driver of that truck fled the scene.
50,000 bottles of
Moosehead? And the FM can't even deliver my 6 pack of Fosters? You think he's know better, but then again, he hasn't been smart enough to make it to any Bored functions for years, so he can't be too bright...
I want to spend a special thanks to the junior member who found this. I haven't been getting too much material, and almost none from our junior staff. So everyone, lets get to it... send me something... drop a note on the
guestbook... anything... come on...
With my impaired state this morning, I really can't remember if I did anything cool last week, other than the church picnic... I know I ran into The President at the local auto shop on Saturday, and I was
hoping he'd stop by the garage later, but no luck...
I heard a rumor that The President has been working on a new project for Deer Camp this year. As we all know, bears shit in the woods, but sometimes its a bit more difficult when the call comes to us hunters... I know this ALL too well... Anyway, here's The President's invention:
That president of ours... he's always looking out for us... I can just see The President making his rounds on opening morning on this baby... flying past his new buddy sitting in his stand... I wonder if he'd consider changing the color of the lid... maybe to blaze orange?
Speaking of bears in the woods, here's another story:
Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground
SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.
"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 kilometers) northeast of Seattle.
The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.
It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.
Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson.
They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.
Now that's MY KIND of bear... first off, he'd fit right in at the BBC. Maybe this was the same bear that was hanging around the camp a few years ago...
You know, sniffing all those empty cans... The best part is that the bear passed on the crappy Bud product and went for a local brew... I never had a Rainier, but I'm sure its pretty good...
Here's one more quick one... kinda cute...
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.
Sounds like something the FM would come up with...
That's about it... not a lot of info, but with the hangover, you're lucky you get anything! Before I go, here are some words of wisdom for the junior members:
"Happiness is not having what you want. It's wanting what you have." -unknown
Ain't THAT a fact...!
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
August
23, 2004 - Howdy all! How's everyone doing? It was a
very quiet this past week, so I don't have too much to cover. Not sure why, but it was pretty nice...
update's a little late, as I had a dentist appointment...
The highlight of the week was a trip out to Zumbo's wildlife preserve for a little time in the new wildlife observatory. I headed out Friday night, and we took the gator
out to the site. We were a little late, and unfortunately, the wind was coming from right behind us. Left us with what Zumbo described as a poor night. ME? I thought it was great! A nice little buck and doe were out in the field when we got there and
moseyed off into the woods. A little later, we saw another buck and doe (probably the same two) for a longer time. Nice little fork horn that held in the field for quite a while. We also saw a turkey, but none of the 8-pointers or the big guy. Zumbo was
disappointed, but I had a great time.
A couple weeks ago Zumbo's lovely bride headed south to Elkhart Lake to do a little driving. Seems Zumbo bought her a interesting birthday present this winter. A chance to drive a real race car on the track down there... Check out her
pic here...
Saturday I spent the day putting in the other attic floor in the garage. It went pretty well, as I have all the tricks figured out. The FDA Chair stopped over at break time for a beer, so that was nice... perfect timing! Got a bunch of stuff cleaned up too. Not a huge work weekend, but not bad...
The Packers looked... well... they were there... Not too much excitement, and they have their fair share of problems. Especially punting, but I think they'll be fine as long as too many don't get hurt...
Found this a few weeks ago... you know how GOOD it feels to scratch you back? I bet this is REALLY feeling good...
TBone Racing had a "iffy" night as the SEC-Transportation didn't do too well. He got stuck behind a slow car after a caution and ended up at the back of the pack. Don Wood did well with a couple wins, so at least the team had some success. That's racing... I guess...
Speaking of
T-Bone Racing, did everyone see the late additions to last week's page? I
posted a bunch of pics from Bob's Buck Camp Night at
the Races. Be sure to check 'em out!
I just got a note from the SEC-Weights/Measures:
After seeing many weeks of anticipation of a report on the blind date, I report that it was nothing special. She was very nice, it would have worked if I was playing the wingman role, but when flying solo, it wasn't a fit. Very goal driven lady, talked more than I do, hard to believe. After a fine meal at the Texas Roadhouse and cocktails at The Bar, ways were parted in the friendliest of ways.
I had the pleasure of Crivitz 2004 on Friday night. Happy to report that the camp seems to be in fine standing. All had a good time, no mishaps to report. A sure sign that we are all growing older and wiser.
Many thanks go out to those who attended BBC night at the races. The Sec. Transportation put on a show that was nothing short of spectacular. Hard to imagine with the pressure of having members of the Bored on hand. Once again, the FM was not in attendance. It is a wonder for somebody that has not attended a function in many years is still a member of the Bored. Not my call and I fully respect the Presidents decision on the matter, for he is the all powerful one. Keep up with the BBC car on the
T-bone31racing.com website.
Godspeed
Sec. Weights and Measure
Personally, I think the SEC-Weights/Measures needs to go find himself someone with a little more
"sustenance" to her... AND, hopefully this volley from a junior member will get us a response from the FM. Haven't heard from him in a while...
Speaking of junior members, here's a little help for them:
Think they can figure it out?
I also heard from Jack this past week, and he sent this little tidbit... Seems
the old boy got a little "message" from HR. I'd guess Jack was
the ringleader...
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some Individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.
3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.
5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!
6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.
8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.
10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the he__ didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a__.
12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh__ and die.
13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.
14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.
16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the he__ died and made you boss?
18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a prick.
Thank You,
Human Resources
That's about it... another update done, and not as short as I thought it would be! Before I go, here are some words of wisdom for the junior members:
"Don't wrestle with pigs.
You'll get all muddy,
and the pigs'll love it..." -- unknown
There's a lot you read into that... right FM?
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
August
16, 2004 - Hey!!! Welcome to Monday!!! The Packer season is upon us! The green and gold kick off the pre-season tonight against the dreaded Seahawks. Its about time... Hopefully the new HDTV is everything I
heard about... should be a good time as always... at least for the first quarter.
Should be a quick update this week, as last week, while eventful, didn't leave me much to write about. I did spend a couple days in Chicago, and that's always fun. My buddy down there, B.O.,
couldn't stay out with us as he had "dog" duty, but we still managed to have a pretty good time. I left like crap the next morning, so it must have been good. We played golf the next day and then headed back. Not a bad time at all...
Speaking of golf, here a quick explanation on why there are 18 holes:
Why do full-length golf courses have 18 holes, and not 20, or 10 or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out.
Gotta love
the Scotch!
I spent most of the day on Saturday painting... you all should know by now that I HATE PAINTING... However, I have found that you can use a roller on just about anything, and that makes painting a lot easier. At least I got another item checked off my "honey-do" list...
Also on Saturday, my cousin's eldest daughter got married, and we spent the evening at the dinner/reception. Pretty good time.
The food was EXCELLENT. One of the best steaks I've had in a while. The beer was cold and the music good. Congrats to Steve and Sarah.
Word out of the T-Bone camp is Saturday wasn't the greatest. Despite their efforts, they only took a 9th in the feature. BUT, young T-Bone almost got his clock cleaned by another driver that felt T-Bone's driving wasn't agreeable to his losing. Luckily, someone held him back so T-Bone didn't have to put the crane move on him.
Anybody watch any of the Olympics? Yeah, me either...
Zumbo was at the wedding Saturday night. (In fact, they drove me...) Says he has video of "the big one" from the Wildlife Viewing Station. From the sounds of it, this IS a big one. I gotta get down there one of these nights and check out the sights.
Saw the FM at church on Sunday... which reminds me... at the wedding Saturday, a few of the Senior Bored members discussed a possible Bob's Buck Camp event, and we "think" that this is an event the FM CANNOT miss. I tried to curb their enthusiasm, as the FM is one slippery critter, and if he can't find a way to skip out of a BBC event, no one can. But I admit, this has potential. We haven't run the idea across The President yet, but even if the FM DOES ditch us again, it would still be a great time... we'll see...
Ran across a pretty good ad that was published down south:
The following was allegedly in The Atlanta Journal. This has got to be one of the best "singles ads" ever published.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Lab Retriever.
That's about it... short but sweet! I found a funny quote, but I'm guessing that most of the junior members won't get it:
"There are 10 types of people in the world... those that can read binary, and those that can't..." -- unknown.
Here's a quote that the junior members WILL get:
"He was a wise man who invented beer." -- Plato.
I guess that Plato dude WAS a very smart man...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
PS: Late Update: Check out the Pics Page on Gallery 2 for photos from the BBC Night at the races... compliments of Zumbo!
August
9, 2004 - Good morning all! Welcome to Monday! Well, it was a VERY eventful week we had. Lots of good stuff going on, and I got to see The President like THREE times!!! You can't tell me that wasn't a great week, at least for me.
The highlight of the week was Bob's Buck Camp Night at the Races. The event was VERY well attended, with The President and First Lady, The AG, SEC-Exterior/Interior and lovely bride Molly
(Yeah, I KNOW her name is Holly...), SEC-State and his lovely bride, the FDA Chair and his
lovely bride (along with their daughter and future son-in-law), Zumbo and his beautiful bride, the Sausage Stuffer's daughter and friend, SEC-Weights/Measures, the Mayor of Denmark, and of course, the star of the evening, SEC-Transportation and his future
fiancé. A great time was had by all, with beer flowing and great racing...
Great racing you say? The SEC-Transportation, showing his dedication to The President and all of the BBC brought home the checkered flag with an exciting win in the Super Stock feature event. Wow, were we ever fired up!!! Despite a rather large dent RIGHT over the Bob's Buck Camp logo on the car
received in a minor fender bender early in the race, he ran a very good race and won it going away. Thanks to
T-Bone Racing, especially the Mayor for procuring cheap event passes and other coordination efforts, as well as all of the BBC.
I forgot to mention the pre-race festivities. (I missed them as I had to make an appearance at the grad party of the "Next Jim Thorpe of Denmark". Happy graduation
Nate!) The President and First Lady had a nice little cookout for the
attendees to kick off the event, and from what I could tell, it was a good thing they had a good base in them
because the beer vendor at the races knew us by name by the end of the night. Seems the only issue was
that The President ran out of 7Up and the cocktails were a little "enhanced" toward the end of the cocktail hour. I guess he had some more 7Up inside but it was too far to go...
Zumbo had the digital camera and video flowing, so hopefully we'll have some pics to go on the site soon. If we don't post
'em here,
T-Bone Racing will have them on their web site...
Speaking of pics, I found this one last week...
Now that you mention farts, you might have noticed the FM's name missing from the list of attendees at the BBC Night at the Races. Well, it turns out the FM got a better offer at the last minute to go play ball in Door County. We missed him, but he'll
definitely have a hard time explaining this at the next Bored Meeting... well, that is if he ever shows up at one...
Speaking of the FM, he sent me this note an pic last week:
Went to visit the Prez Sunday. He's done it again! The First Lady laid down the law and proclaimed that she would no longer mow the lawn until the Commander got the riding lawn mower repaired. Somewhat reluctant to spend the money for the necessary parts, the Prez put his brain in gear and went to work. The end result? The First Lady got her riding lawn mower, the Prez saved a few bucks and, together, they conserve fossil fuel and stop the spread of pollution.
Is there any question as to why he remains our leader and hero?
The FM better keep his head down after that one... I can just see the First Lady chasing him down Highridge Avenue with her new "lawnmower"...
Hey, some good news/bad news from last week. First the good news. The Mayor has procured a new position with Gannett Newspapers. If you didn't hear, Brown County Publishing sold out to Gannett a few weeks ago, so her job was in question. Well, she's now an Admin Assistant to the big wig running all the local publications. In other words, she's running the joint. Congrats! The bad news? Word is the SEC-Weights/Measure's blind date didn't work out. Turns out she DIDN'T look just like his buddy's girlfriend... Maybe someday we'll get the whole story.
Aha! How 'bout some more good news? Today is the SEC-Weights/Measures 26th birthday! Happy Birthday!!! Word out of Buttes des Morts is he took his family and Ma Nelson out to a little joint in
Larsen last night. Yeah, you read that right, Larsen. Ma Nelson reported that it was a fine meal and a nice time. Have a GREAT day today Ric!!!
What else is going on? Well, the Packers are hard at it, and I'm damn happy that football season is here. Next Monday is the first exhibition game, and we're about a month away from the season opener. With football season comes hunting season, THE GREATEST TIME OF THE YEAR! Should be another GREAT autumn.
ME? I didn't have too much else going on. I DID finish the retaining wall on the garage and I also put on a new screen door on the house. All I can say is, why in the hell do they make is so damn hard to put those things together? Three freaken hours to put up a damn door... well, at least its done and the Mrs. was happy for like 6 minutes... this week I head to Chicago for two
days (I'm sure we'll have a good time with B.O.), so next week's update "should" be shorter.
I found a sign posted by one of our junior members:
Speaking of Junior Members, here's another set of junior member information:
Q: Did you hear about the junior members that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is the junior member's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
We had one Junior member that studied for a blood test.
We had one Junior member that thought he needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
We had one Junior member that sold the car for gas money.
When one Junior member went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," he turned around and went home.
And here's a quick junior member story:
A junior member is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chain saw shop and asks about various chain saws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chain saw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the junior member takes the chain saw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chain saw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the junior member asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," he tells himself. So, the next morning he gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The junior member is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer," he says to himself.
The very next day the junior member brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chain saw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chain saw, to which the junior member responds, "What's that noise?
What in the world would we do without our junior members?
That's about it... hope you liked the update! Before I go, in honor of the beer consumed Saturday night, here's a bit of wisdom for those junior members:
"They who drink beer will think beer." -- Washington Irving.
We collected a lot of empty aluminum cans...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
August
2, 2004 - Howdy Folks... how's everyone doing? I hope all is well out in
cyberland... first off, a bit of sad news... My Aunt Marcy passed away this weekend at the age of 81. Died peacefully in her sleep. She was Ma Nelson's older sister and was well known for her "Grasshopper" song... Before I was old enough to hunt, Mom and Aunt Marcy taught me of the importance of the Deer Hunting season as I always tagged along with them during their adventures when the men went north for the season. They probably had as good a time as the men did up north... she will be missed... please keep her and her
family and friends in your thoughts and prayers.
On to better topics... As I mentioned last week, The Sausage Stuffer and his lovely bride (My OLDEST sister) celebrate their 30th
anniversary today. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! They celebrated the big event this weekend north of 64 at Twin Bridges Campground. I spent a few hours with them Friday night munching
Shish kabobs made over the fire... Had a very nice time...
The Mayor was with them camping, and on Thursday morning they set out on an errand to get the daily paper. The Stud Muffin (SEC-State) and his harem (his beautiful bride, The Stuffer's wife, and the Mayor) set out on foot and procured a paper, but due to an impending rain shower, they sought shelter in a local establishment.
(Probably had to twist SEC-State's arm to get him in there...) Due to the extended potty break, the Mayor held a seminar on local gaming, and ended up taking home a tidy little sum... her version of the story is quite
humorous... congrats...
Had the EXTREME pleasure to meet up with The President twice on Saturday. Beverages were exchanged, and plans for the Second Annual Bob's Buck Camp Night at the Races were more of less set. Pre-Race festivities will begin at The President's abode around 4pm with beverages and a cookout. We'll head to the races after 6 and watch our SEC-Transportation take the checkered flag. If you haven't let me know if you're coming, please do so by tonight so we can get advance tickets...
My second meeting with The President included discussions with the Attorney General. Turns out the AG has good news in
that HIS VOICE IS FINALLY CHANGING!!! So at least he doesn't sound like a
PIP-SQUEAK anymore... Welcome to the real world... Its all downhill from here...
Sounds like a few more shots have been fired on the guestbook
regarding "The Woodchuck Wars"... I'm hoping this gets solved peacefully before we have woodchuck blood splattered all over... The AG reports that one of the FM's stray chucks even had the audacity to venture onto The President's property... The AG bounced a few pellets off the chuck's head and hopefully sent it on its way home with a headache. I'm sure the AG will keep us posted...
My brother-in-law on the outlaw side (The Grocer) had a surprise birthday party over the weekend to celebrate his 40th year... The clan surprised him and even threw a few steaks on the
barbie. He actually turns the page on the 9th, so if you see him, wish him a happy old age...
No word or update on the SEC-Weights/Measure's blind date last week... Word is she's a Pollack, so he might have had a chance, but no word isn't a good word in the SEC's book... If he's that quiet, she probably stood him up again...
In keeping with last week's roll on Junior Member Jokes, here's another set:
Q: How do you confuse a junior member?
A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why can't junior members put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Did you hear about the junior member coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Did you here about the junior member who shot an arrow into the air?
A: He missed.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A junior member going through a flashing red light.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 junior members.
Gotta love junior member jokes...
That's about it... Before I go, here's a bit of wisdom for our junior members:
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." -- Unknown
Kinda deep, huh?
It works for other things too... Like, saying you're going to Deer Camp
doesn't make you a Deer hunter...
Until next time, take care, and have a GREAT week!
As Red would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
Last Updated: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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