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My notes… December 2003
December
29th, 2003
–
Morning folks! Happy New Year! I hope everyone is doing well this fine
morning... me, I feel like
crap. I got some sort of nasty cold
that's got my sinus's full, my butt dragging, and now I have an ear ache... this sorta
sucks...
I hope
everyone had a good Christmas! Mine
was good despite this cold, but for some reason there wasn't quite the Christmas
spirit that I normally feel. Maybe
the lack of snow... but what a
great present all of Wisconsin got yesterday when the Packers made it into the
playoffs with their win in Lambeau and the ViQueens amazing choke job in
Arizona. Serves the ViQueens right
if you ask me... Thankfully, this
means the football season continues for at least another week. Hopefully they can do some damage in the
playoffs...
The
highlight of Christmas, other than church services, was the Nelson gift
exchange. This year, everyone
brought a $10 gift for exchange.
Everyone got a number, and then you got to choose a gift in order. The fun part was, when your number came
up, you could choose an unopened gift, OR, you could steal someone's opened gift
that you liked better. I had #1 and
opened a nice assortment of CherMake's finest products. Throughout the process, I had the meat,
a nice outdoor tripod, beer, and finally golf balls with a couple lottery
tickets. The FDA Chair started out
with a free "massage" from the SEC-Transportation’s girlfriend. Luckily for the girl, SEC-State's
youngest stole it from him. The
best was when the Sausage Stuffer had the nice tripod stolen from him. He decided to choose a new unopened
gift, and got a nice teenage makeup kit, with perfume, lipstick, face powder,
and all that type of crap, all in a very pretty purple bag... Unfortunately for him, it was late in
the game, and NOBODY stole it from him...
It was a lot of fun.
I got
some other nice stuff, with probably the best coming from my favorite
god-daughter... a new Christmas
tie... Either she's just a master
at timing, or last year she noticed all the gravy and shrimp sauce stains on it
and decided it was time for a new one...
She's a sweetie!
In other
news, this week will also feature our Wisconsin Badgers in the Music City Bowl
on New Years Eve Day. Kind of a
crappy time to have the game, with kickoff at 11am. Especially for those of us who are
supposed to work. Word out of
Appletown is that the FDA Chair, the Sturgeon General, and the SEC-D'Fence are
heading down to the game. I'm sure
that they'll have a heck of a time.
Maybe our sports reporter can even send in an account of the festivities
for next week's update...
Hopefully
this week will be uneventful from a work perspective. That way I can get to work on the
newsletter and get that baby published before spring. I think I have all the material in to
start putting it together, so now its time to edit and piece it together. Then I have to print it, which usually
takes some time too...
I'm
running out of time and ambition to be honest, so its time for a quick story
from the boys up the road:
One day
Jack and Ass were Deer Hunting and they got lost. Jack tells Ass, "wait, don't panic I
learned what to do in case this happens.
You’re supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will
here you and come with help,"
"Okay"
said Ass. So he shoots three times
into the air. They both wait an
hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows
up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours.
Ass
starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, were
down to our last three arrows!"
Well,
that’s it for today. Sorry for the
short update, but that’s all the energy I have… Before I go, a few words of wisdom for
our junior members…
"If God
had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." -- David
Daye.
And
THAT’S a FACT!!!
Well,
take care, and have a GREAT week and a Happy New
Year!
As Red
would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
December
22th, 2003 – Good
morning everyone!!! Well, the
Christmas season is here! Happy
Holidays everyone! Spent the
weekend doing various holiday chores...
caroling, putting up Ma/Pa's tree, decorating cookies, etc. Tonight, hopefully, we'll be cooking the
holiday shrimp... always a good
time!
My
apologies for the lack of an update last week. My trip to Chicago certainly got in the
way despite it being a very good time.
Four of us spent Monday evening at a local establishment that serves
delicious micro brews...
Thirty-seven 20oz'ers later, we were very happy campers... When I returned on Wednesday, once again
work seemed to want me to get things done... can you believe that crap? Well, we had major network changes to do
Friday night (due to which I missed caroling) and the list of preparations was
long... But, with no update,
everyone had more time to work on their newsletter articles,
right?
Speaking
of the newsletter, Friday night, after my 15 hour day, our SEC-Transportation
showed up at 11:54pm for his yearly visit to deliver his newsletter
article. Actually, he had emailed
me "his" article earlier, but he delivered SEC-State's article. This has become a time-honored
tradition. He shows up every year 5
minutes before the deadline and scares the crap out of the Mrs... At least he gets his article in on
time...
OK, just
had a major interruption... I typed
that last line about 4 hours ago...
BUT, the delay allowed me time to receive the following from Dixie LaRue,
Personal Assistant to the FM:
Subject: In Case You Missed
It...
Dear Mr.
V.P:
I'm
assuming you have this all figured out already but, in the event that a portion
of the Junior Membership is not quite as quick to catch on, please allow me to
detail the circumstances and events that led to the capture of Saddam Hussein.
Please note that this information would typically be tendered as classified.
Given that it is all out in the open, however, it is safe for me to convey the
following information.
As
you'll recall, Saddam was found burrowed in a hole off a tunnel on a farm near a
grove of fruit trees. His escape and hiding techniques very much resembled that
of....you guessed it....a Woodchuck. Very wise and ingenious maneuver on his
part but, ultimately, his actions would be detected and rooted out by experts in
that particular field..
The
mission actually was initiated last April 4 by an email correspondence sent out
by none other than the FM himself. It read as
follows....
April 4,
2003
To:
Joint Chiefs of Staff
From:
FM
Re:
Capture of Saddam
Dear
Chiefs:
Thought
you could use a little help here. If you really want to track down and capture
the Evil Element, you need to do only one thing. THINK LIKE A WOODCHUCK.
Woodchucks prefer to burrow in rural areas near a source of water and feeding opportunities (typically fruit
or vegetables) I believe if you follow this line of thought, you will find your
prey.
No
thanks necessary. Just doing my part.
Sincerely,
The
FM
Now, I
don't know if the Pentagon's email server is a little slow, or it just took 9
months for the information to filter through the ranks. Regardless, it again
shows as proof of the ingeniousness and dedicated efforts of my boss, the FM. He
is far too humble to point any of this out himself, but I see it as part of my duty.
Additionally,
if you followed the news reports closely, you may have also picked up another
little tidbit involved with Saddam's capture. When queried as to who actually
detected and found the hole that led to the capture, the official reply went
like this " As part of a squad assigned to the Z coordinate, he was an
unidentified member of the Elite Special Forces."
Now, if
you read that statement a little more closely, the truth will be revealed. Let
me point it out...."As part of a squad assigned to the
Z
coordinate, he was an U
nidentified M em
B er of
the Elite Special F O
rces.
As Paul
Harvey would say, "And, now you know the REST of the
story."
Yours in
Patriotism,
Dixie La
Rue.
Even
though Dixie wasn't able to get the FM to submit his newsletter on time, she was
able to get us this incredible news flash... But, as we all know, Zumbo is the
man!!!
With the
sad news about Brett Favre's father passing away, we should all keep them in our
thoughts and prayers. Favre and his
family are certainly well like, not only because of Brett's prowess on the
field, but because despite that he and his family seem very common and down to
earth. Here's a quick funny that
the late Irv Favre might have liked:
Ole and
Sven die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them
and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and Bomber hats warming themselves
around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough
for you?" Ole and Sven reply, "Vell, ya know, we're from nordern Minnesoda, the
land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little
bit, ya know." The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and
turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still
dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot
down here, can't you guys feel that?" Again, Ole and Sven reply, "Vell, like we
told you yesterday, we're from nordern Minnesoda, the land of snow and ice and
cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know." This gets
the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the
heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere.
He stops by the room with the two guys from Minnesoda and finds them in light
jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished,
"Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying
yourself." The two Minnesotans reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much warm
weather up dere in International Falls, we've just got to have a fish fry when
the weather's this nice." The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see
straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat
because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the
heat off in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are
hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,
moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two
Minnesotans. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and
mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad
men. The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat
you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with
you two?" Ole and Sven look at the devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, if
hell froze over dat must mean da Vikings won da Super
Bowl!"
Well, I
am WAY out of time, despite a million other things to catch up on... But, before I go, a few words of wisdom
for our junior members. It’s a bit
deep, but hopefully they can decipher it...
“If you
should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend.” -- Stone Temple
Pilots
Well,
take care, and have a GREAT week and an EXTREMELY happy
holiday!
OH
YEAH!!! CRAP!!! I almost forgot! Happy Birthday to Pa Nelson and Sister
Charlotte!!! 78 and 39,
respectively, today!!!
As Red
would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
December
15th, 2003 – No
update today… Heading to Chicago
shortly… Hope to have something out
on Wednesday… ARTICLES DUE ON
FRIDAY!!!
December
8, 2003 –
Happy, but "blurry" Monday!!! Gotta
say, its a great day! Went to the
Packer game yesterday, and it was a blast!
The boss from New York was in town for the game and we made a day of
it. He was very lucky to get a
flight out due to the "Nor’easter" hitting the east coast. His buddy wasn't so lucky and didn't
make it, so our Chief Inspector got to use his
ticket.
The new
Lambeau is pretty impressive.
Really, the field and the bowl aren't much changed, but the concourses
surely are. The new upper concourse
is especially impressive... We had
a good time, especially since we beat the Bares, but due to the number of
"barley pops" consumed, today will be a little "blurry"... and today's update
short...
Probably
the coolest thing of the whole day was the F18 fly-over. HOLY CRAP!!! The anthem just got over and WHAM!! Four HUGE F18’s scream right over the
field! The timing was really
impressive, but the size of these machines and how low they were to the field
was absolutely incredible. VERY
COOL!!!
I
received an email from our esteemed FM last week. Seems the local gossip column featured a
picture of our SEC-Weights/Measures with his "little buck" and the FM noticed
something rather odd...
Subject:
Congrats to Sec.Weights/Measures
That was
a very impressive photo that appeared in this week's issue of the Denmark Press
of our fellow BBC brother Sec. Weights/Measures. I'm proud to say I know
him. The only thing that jumped out
at me, though, was the peculiar fashion in which the Sec. had his hand draped
around the buck's jaw. It almost appeared as though he was attempting to hold it
all together....as if the buck had been shot in the jaw or something! Now, even
a non-hunter like me knows that could never possibly be the case, but the way he
was holding it sure made it look that way. Just grab it by the ears next time,
Mr. Sec. ( if they're not shot off)
Now that
another successful deer hunt has concluded, I await in chilled anticipation of
the V.P.'s upcoming bunny hunting updates. Will there be more pictures? PLEASE
let there be more pictures!
Funny
thing that the FM noticed the unusual jawline of SEC-Weights/Measure's
buck. Since he's a
non-hunter, I am impressed that he noticed this oddity... Concerning the FM's call for more bunny
pictures, I smell a hint of sarcasm there... what do you think? Despite his lame attempt at a slam, I am
hoping to get a few new pictures from Deer Camp posted on the web site
soon...
I was
lucky enough to have Zumbo stop over last week to pick up some stuff left from
the skinning party... Seems he's
still working hard to fill tags...
I pried a beer into him and got the latest news... nothing I can publish, but its always
good to hear from Zumbo...
Last but
not least, assignments have been made for the annual "Bob's Buck Camp"
newsletter... I KNOW everyone got
their assignment, but strangely I did not receive a single reply yet... Members better get
writing!!!
Due to
my "tired" state today, that's about all I have... here's a quick one that's all too
true.
Once
upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in
a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?"
she cried, but no answer.
"Is
there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the
female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her
voice "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she
heard a faint voice from far, far away......................
"We're
down here ...."
Well,
before I sign off, a few words of wisdom for our junior
members:
"People
who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a
lot." - Capital Brewery, Middleton,
WI.
Our
junior members who drink that cheap stuff should keep this in
mind...
Well,
take care, and have a GREAT week!!!
As Red
would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
December
2, 2003
–
Good
Morning!!! Sorry for the day's
delay on the update, but yesterday was my fist day back to work in a long time,
so I had a lot to catch up on...
once again, work getting in the way of what's REALLY
important.
Before I
get too far into the update, I want to cover an issue that our FM brought up in
the last update concerning Zumbo.
Here is Zumbo's response:
As you
may well have figured out, the secret mission I was involved with several weeks
ago has been leaked to the public by an unknown informant. The truth can finally
be told.
I was
pressed into duty to pilot a commercial airliner on a flight from Detroit to the
frozen tundra. There had been unconfirmed reports of a hijacking by a lone
terrorist boarding in Detroit. As I greeted the passengers as they boarded, I
was suspect of a young fellow who kept looking at me as if he knew me. Shortly
after take-off, a stewardess approached the cockpit and after unlocking the 17
locks and taking the door off the hinges she was able to report to me that there
was a passenger who was harassing her, asking if zumbodah was in control of the
plane, and muttering to himself "North of 64 stays North of 64". An immediate
response from ground Air Traffic Control confirmed that there was a suspected
hijacking in the works and the catch phrase "North of 64" must be some sort of
command to commence the takeover. An immediate lockdown of the aircraft was
enacted as we went to Mach 3 speed and precautionary measures including false
wind sheer and IFR approach rules went into effect. The swift and speedy flight
averted the hijacking or possible assassination attempt. I was quickly whisked
away to a debriefing and never found out what happened to the suspected
terrorist. It was later reported to me that he had made a slick getaway and was
last known to be "North of 64" for the opening of deer camp.
Zumbo
As we
all know, that Zumbo is really something!
(His literary skills are pretty damn impressive too!) Unfortunately, even Zumbo has issues
with getting decent intelligence information, as the "hijacker" never made it
"North of 64"...
Which
brings us to the subject of Deer Camp 2003. What a great time! As always, the spirit of Deer Camp was
in full force and a great time was had by all. Two youngsters, the Attorney General and
the newly named Chief Inspector attended camp for the first time, and a new
member was recruited off the street, the new Ambassador from FCB. The only downers were the lack of deer
seen and the fact that the FM did not attend due to the death of his
father-in-law. Our sympathies go
out to the FM and his family.
There
are so many tales to tell about Deer Camp 2003, but most of it will wait until
this year's issue of Bob's Buck Camp Newsletter. Obviously it won't tell all, but will
surely remind us of many of the more "interesting"
episodes.
On
return from Deer Camp 2003, we ventured out to the woods and fields of Brown
County in search of more southern whitetails. Not much luck there either, except for
one, as deer drives turned up nothing other than one small doe on the last drive
of the weekend. Pretty
pathetic... I'm beginning to think
the DNR has some issues with counting...
it certainly can’t be our hunting skills.
I
mentioned a lack of luck other than one instance. Our SEC-Weights/Measures seem to take
all the luck that should have been distributed to the group and used it up on
Thanksgiving morning. After waking
up late, he stumbled to the fields and ran into a pair of bucks not 5 minutes
into the hunt. His attempts to
civilize one of them resulted in a 5-hour chase. And of course, it was Zumbo to the
rescue as always, as he "assisted" the SEC-Weights/Measures and our
SEC-Transportation in bringing in the VERY nice 8 pointer, forever referred to
as a “small buck”. I'd like to
request a written description of the chase from the SEC-Weights/Measures, or
possibly a more accurate account from Zumbo himself, to post on the site. It would be REALLY fun to have both
accounts to compare! Here is a note
from our SEC-Weights/Measures:
Curtamous,
I would
like to publicly thank all of those who helped in the slaying of my buck this
weekend. Had it not been for the great Zumbo and the Sec. of Transportation, I
may still be out in rural Fontenoy searching for the deer. Also, the assistance
from the esteemed President and Vice President was greatly appreciated. It
turned out to be a long and tedious task from tracking to skinning, (and
celebration of the kill), but all of the help was not only appreciated but
needed. Also, thank you to the VP for the use of the new garage, I know that as
I write this, his wife is out there scrubbing off the blood from the floor. I
hope that the case of Miller Lite that was drunk on Friday was enough to make up
for this.
Once
again, Thanks.
Sec. of
Weights and Measures
P.S. Mr.
VP: rumor has it that you may be looking for a boot dryer after the drive on the
Mathis land Sunday. The mayor may know where a good deal may
be.
Of
course, congratulations to our SEC-Weights/Measures on his kill (or his shots
followed by Zumbo's kill...
whatever...). It was a
really fine whitetail with an unusual jaw line. The post kill celebrations were
certainly fun.
The
SEC-Weights/Measures reference to boot drying concerns our last drive of the
season where the President directed certain hunters through what he described as
a "thick" woods. I didn't notice
the thick part because I was too damn busy "island hopping" my way though the
swamp... thanks for the offer, but
my boots are dry now...
The few
highlites of the season were had out on Zumbo's preserve where we were actually
able to see a few live whitetails.
Our many thanks to Zumbo for lettings us come out and hunt the
preserve... especially for the
opportunity for the Attorney General to hunt "HIS" black deer...
There
are so many more things to mention, but for now we'll leave it at that. I'll try to bring up more tidbits as the
month progresses. If anyone has
anything specific to mention, please let me know.
In honor
of the great Zumbo, here's a quick one:
Two
hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for deer hunting. They were
quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back,
as arranged, to pick them up.
They
started loading their gear into the plane, including the six deer. But the pilot
objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your deer, you will have
to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six
and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model
and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six
aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little
plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing
out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place
where we crashed last year!"
Obviously,
Zumbo wasn't flying, or a crash never would have taken place... duh...
Well,
before I sign off, a few words of wisdom for our junior
members:
"My life
has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot." --
unknown
Ain't
that a fact!!!
Well,
take care, and have a GREAT week!!!
As Red
would say, “Keep your stick on the ice!”
curtamous
Last Updated: Friday, May 20, 2005
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