The
curtamous PAGE!!!
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband paused, the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
Well, Deer Camp 2002 opens tomorrow… should be another great hunt… CWD (Cronic Whiskey Disease) will no doubt affect our annual hunt, but we’ll do our best to adapt to the changing conditions we must deal with. Got this one in the mail today… heard it before, but still cracked me up. Good luck, and safe hunting… curtamous
A woman went into a store to
buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she
found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to
buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I
have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give
blowjobs!"
"Blowjobs!", the woman
replied.
"It hasn't been proven but
we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would
be a great gag gift, and if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the
frog.
When she explained froggy's
ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman
went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than
riveting act again.
In the middle of the night,
she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making
hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only
to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at
this hour?" she asked.
The
husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is
gone!
November 12,
2002
Damn,
Deer Camp is only 9 days away… the
opener, 11 days… where in the hell
is the time going? Obviously, my
priorities are all screwed up, as I’m letting work interfere with Deer
Camp. I know I’m smarter than I
look, but this proves that don’t mean squat…
Big
news yesterday in that the college boys from Madison will be up on Thursday
night. I don’t know if they finally
got their priorities straight or if the fact that the Badgers suck has anything
to do with it… either way, my liver
cringed when I heard the news… So
assuming the Foreign Minister’s flight in from Rome isn’t delayed, we’ll have 10
in camp on Saturday night for the big feast. That’ll be a rough
one…
The
“cottage” will be prepped this weekend as the president, secstate, myself, and
various junior members will make the trek to install new appliances, finish the
molding, check old stands/scout new stands, cut wood, etc. Should be fun…
That’s
all for now…
curtamous
October 29,
2002
The
president and I were up at the shack this past weekend, slaying much, and Butt
Face and his queer brother from up the road made an appearance. One commented that I hadn’t updated this
page in a while, so here I go…
Don’t expect much, as my priorities are elsewhere, namely anywhere
outside while the weather is at its finest.
As the finest month of the year fast approaches, I will make an effort to get my ass in gear and get my documentation together. I’ll have the Deer Camp 2002 menu posted shortly, as well as any other crap I can dig up. I’ve already posted a submission (a rather good one actually) from J.A.
You
know how to get ahold of me, so drop me a line…
curtamous
PS. I forgot to mention that J.A. from up
the road walked out on his porch on Thursday and shot a doe… (T-Zone hunt) SOB is going to have to start bringing a
stick along to hunt so he can push ‘em far enough away to get a clear
shot…
July 28,
2002
WHAT
IS MARRIAGE???
1.
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the
blind.
3.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the
woman gets her masters.
4.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR
listens.
6.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order
what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had
ordered that instead.
7.
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself
married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself
divorced.
8.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the
wife takes.
9.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm
still paying for it.
10.
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife
until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12.
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,it is love; after
marriage it is self-defense.
13.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a
10-year
married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14.
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got
married, and now he is going through HELL.
15.
Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.
16.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
17.
Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
June 24,
2002
Jesse Helms and Newt
Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an
antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands,
because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.
~Judy
Carter
June 21,
2002
“To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs
into its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.” -cliff claven- You never know when that little tidbit
of info may come in handy…
June 20,
2002
When a man steals your
wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
June 19,
2002
They’ve
discovered a hormone in beer
It’s
estrogen from what I hear
After
drinking a few
Men
speak utter bull too,
And
can’t drive well or think very clear!
June 18,
2002
Beautiful day… nothing to
say…
June 17,
2002
On
this day in 1837, Charles Goodyear received his patent for rubber. Think of all the backseats where his
patent has been put to good use…
June 14,
2002
On
this day in 1907, women in Norway won the right to vote. Norwegian men have been wrong about
everything since…
June 13,
2002
Scentless sneaks into a middle
school dance… Scentless
June 12,
2002
Ab Doubleday supposedly created the game of baseball on this day in 1839. Hard to believe it took over 150 years to ruin it…
June 11,
2002:
Curt
informs his attorney, "I want a stipulation in my will that my wife is to
inherit everything, but only if she remarries within six months of my death."
"Why such an odd stipulation?" asks the attorney.
"Because," he
says, "I want someone to be sorry I died."
Last Updated: Friday, May 20, 2005
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