The curtamous page
January 2008 Archived Notes
January
28, 2008 - Jak se maj!!! How we doing today? I hope all is well out there. Things are pretty much the same here, but its amazing how quickly you become comfortable with the pain... I think there's a song like that...
The healing has begun from last weekend's debacle at Lambeau, but I have a feeling the wounds will be re-opened this weekend... Not too excited about the Superbowl, but I can hardly remember the last time I was... Well, Go Gi-Ants!
Let start off with a contribution from the FM... He and I have been in correspondence
over the last week or so, most of which is unprintable, but here's something from him for the web page...
It’s been awhile since I’ve made any type of significant contribution to the web page. Feeling somewhat melancholy today on the passing of my pal (and, one of D’Ville’s Truly All Time Characters) Butch, I was reminded of an old story that appeared many years ago in a newspaper column written by a truly great man (and character in his own right.) It goes like this…..
There once was a country boy who became absorbed by hunting at a very early age. He’d roam the woods for hours seeking prey with a home made sling shot and self-devised traps of various sorts. Finally, when he reached the age of twelve, he approached his father with the idea of purchasing a shot gun. His father, who was vehemently opposed to having guns of any kind in the house, immediately replied, “No.” “But, Dad,” the lad pleaded, “ If I had a gun, I could help out with feeding the family by putting food on the table.” The father considered this long and hard. Over time, he came to realize that the boy may have a point, and providing him with a gun could lead to a valuable life’s lesson in responsibility and helping to provide for the family. So, finally, the father consented…with one condition. He would provide his son with a pellet gun to begin with. If the boy demonstrated the proper care and responsibility necessary in control of a firearm, he would then be able to obtain a shot gun.
The boy was thrilled. And, upon receiving the gun, immediately set out to prove his previous claims to his father. The first night, he brought home a rabbit. The second night, two squirrels. As the days went on, the young lad proudly kept his family fed with pheasant, possum and other various wild game. The father was quite pleased. Finally, early one evening, the boy came running excitedly into the house. “Dad!,” he proclaimed. “I’ve just shot enough game to keep us fed for the entire winter!”
Quite surprised, the father wondered what the boy could possibly have accomplished with a single pellet gun. “ What exactly did you shoot, son?” he asked. “I’m not exactly sure what they are,” replied the boy, “but they’re big and slow and their heads are hard as rock, because it took an awful lot of pellets to put them down.” Now even more inquisitive, the father asked his son to show him his quest. The boy led the man out to a nearby field, and stated, “There they are, Dad. They were all just out here grazing.” The father took one look and shuddered in his steps. “Oh, my Lord, son!”, he proclaimed. “You’ve just shot a whole family of Bohemians picking mushrooms.”
FM.
We all know the REAL punch line involves Belgians, but its his story, let him tell it his way...
Here's another submission from the FDA Chair...
Many of us are guilty of looking at others our own age and thinking, "Surely, I can't be that old."
If you've ever done this, then you'll appreciate the following.
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked! him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes, Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
"In 1965," he replied. "Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely ... and then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, Gray-haired decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
That one cracks me up... Almost as much as the SEC-State's story from last week... OK, not nearly as funny, but a good one!
I wasn't going to do a schedule, but then I saw what was on it... so...
28 National Kazoo Day. Bring one to the bar to entertain your friends!
Three Stages of Friendship
1/3 oz Jack Daniels
1/3 oz tequila
1/3 oz Bacardi 151
Mix and shoot before they shoot you.
29 W.C. Fields Birthday (1880). “‘Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her.”
Gimlet.
30 Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Birthday (1882). Raise one to the drunkard who whipped up on Prohibition, the Depression and the Nazis.
Wet gin martinis with a lemon twist.
31 National Brandy Alexander Day. Think the brandy distillers had anything to do with this one?
Brandy Alexander
1 1/2 oz brandy
1 oz dark creme de cacao
1 oz half-and-half
1/4 tsp grated nutmeg
Shake the brandy, creme de cacao, and half-and-half with ice. Strain, garnish with nutmeg.
1 Boris Yeltsin’s Birthday (1931). Doing multiple shots of vodka on stage was one of his populist campaign tricks.
Chilled double Stolis.
2 Groundhog Day. If he sees his shadow, get loaded. If he doesn’t see his shadow, get loaded.
The Shadow Knows
1 oz black sambuca
1 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
1/2 oz Bacardi 151 Rum
Layer Bailey’s over sambuca. Top with Bacardi.
3 Heroes Day (Mozambique). “Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.”—Samuel Johnson.
Heroic amounts of brandy.
Wow... what a week!!!
Not much of interest going on this week... at least not yet... The Denville B-Ballers are struggling, but we do have Parent's Night coming up this weekend, which is good... I'm assuming the FM told me the correct date and location... :-)
Well, its almost 1pm, and this isn't done yet, and I'm off and running again... so I'll wrap up as soon as I can and get this posted...
(OK... Now its Wednesday, and I finally got back to this... Another great week... I'll try to get next week's posted before March...)
As always, before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members...
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" -- Anonymous
Kinda tells you something, doesn't it...?
As Red would say, "Keep your stick on the ice!"
curtamous
January
21, 2008 - Jak se maj!!! Not a good day... Its going to take a while to get over that disaster at Lambeau yesterday... I said all week that the only way they could lose is if the offense was lousy and the Gi-Ants play WAY over their heads... Well, the offense (it was offensive all right) was horrible and Plaxico supplied the rest... Yeah, the defense wasn't great, but they held them to 20, which is pretty good considering the offense did nothing and
Plaxico play the game of his life... and I will NEVER watch a critical game like that in the vicinity of my beautiful bride again...
Should have expected that based on my trip to Milwaukee Saturday...
The Denville B-Ballers got to play a game on the Bradley Center floor against Kewaunee... Pretty nice setup to allow various HS teams to play down there the day before a Bucks night game. Pretty typical game... Denville played down to the level of their opponents... Even so, with roughly 3 minutes left in the game, they had a 10 point lead... They never scored again and lost by 1... My facts may be a little off, but that's the jist of it... To add insult, 5 players, including one senior and 2 BBC junior members, never saw the court... Weird considering the entire opposing bench saw a minimum of 2 minutes, and they still won... Overall, a great opportunity that probably won't be remembered fondly... But hang in there guys... remember, life isn't fair, and a man's character shows through in how he handles adversity...
I keep trying to remember that as I lament the Packers loss... :-)
Well, here's a little story from the SEC-State... It really cheered me up...
What are the odds?
Friday afternoon a gentleman needed to take his daughters car to the dealer to get some repairs done. The problem was that the car was at his wife’s place of employment. It was decided that the husband would swap vehicles after he was done with work.
Upon arrival at his wife’s work he saw the car parked across the street and pulled in and parked his vehicle in the same lot. The arrangement had the husband going in the building and exchanging the keys with the receptionist. After changing keys he went back to the parking lot and proceeded to try and unlock the car with the fob. This did not work so he tried the key in the door, this did not work either. Thinking that the locks were froze he proceeded to try and warm up the key and try again. No luck so he did a walk around to the passenger door to try that one. There he found out that there was no lock on that door. Thinking he could warm up the key with a lighter he walked back to his vehicle. Crap! The keys for his vehicle are in the wife’s work place.
So he proceeds to go back in to get the keys. Explaining to the receptionist what happened he goes back out to his vehicle to get the lighter. Once he gets the lighter he turns to go to his daughters car. To his amazement the car is gone. What the hell! Looking around he figures it was stolen, but how and so fast?
So he proceeds to call 911 and report it stolen. After a lot of explaining to the dispatcher she says someone is on the way. While waiting for the PD he has all kinds of thoughts running through his mind. Maybe someone was in the car and he didn’t see him or her. But how could they do it so fast considering he was only gone for less then 2 minutes? He decides to call his daughter and tell her but gets her voice mail. He knows his wife is in a meeting and doesn’t want to bother her. Since it was very cold out he goes in the building to warm up and wait.
Inside he explains what happened to the receptionist. She wants to know if she should call the wife? He says no and goes back outside as he sees the cop go by. Flagging down the cop he explains what happened. After some perplexed looks from the cop another cop pulls up. Explaining it to this cop they decide to involve another nearby cop and start driving around to see if the car was in the area. So the first cop and the husband get in the squad car to warm up and get some more information.
Did I mention that an all points bulletin was put out for the stolen car? While all this was happening the receptionist decided to notify the wife as to what had happened. The wife proceeded to go outside and find out. Seeing the squad car with her husband in the back seat she knocks on the window. The officer (did I mention that he looked like he was 16 years old) opened the window and explained that her daughter’s car was stolen from the lot across the street. She then explains that the car wasn’t parked in that lot, but was parked in the lot down the street (hard to believe that there was another car identical to the daughter’s car in the lot). After explaining it again to the young officer he calls dispatch to cancel the APB on the car.
So the wife is apologizing to the officer as the red-faced husband sits in the rock hard backseat of the cruiser feeling like an idiot. So the cop and the husband ride over to the other parking lot and low and behold there sits the daughter’s car safe and sound.
At this point the husband and the cop get out and walk towards the car. The husband can’t help but think that the young cop still thinks that the car was stolen since he has his hand on his revolver and is cautiously approaching the car. He then asks the husband to check the car for damage. Already feeling like an idiot he doesn’t want to say anything to the cop like hey stupid it wasn’t stolen! By this time the other two squad cars arrive and have this little smirk on their face.
After apologizing and saying how embarrassed he was, the husband and cops go on their merry way. By this time you are probably wondering who this bozo was? Well it was I; the
SEC-State, and this should be good for a lot of laughs. So as the wife says, while trying to stop laughing, next time look at the license plates dummy!
P.S. While sitting in the cruiser the daughter calls and wants to know what’s up? Let this be a lesson to everyone, don’t answer her by saying I’m in the back of a police car I’ll call you later. It’s amazing what goes through their minds.
I'll be
giggling about that ALL DAY...
Well, I have the day off today... MLK Holiday... Usually I head out bunny hunting, but I got plumbers here today, so I don't think I'll make it out... Maybe on Presidents Day...
Special Happy Birthday to my second eldest sister today! We're going out to eat tonight with her... Have a great day sis!!!
Short, but sweet update... OK, not so sweet... whatever... Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members...
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others throw at him." --David Brinkley
Exactly...
As Red would say, "Keep your stick on the ice!"
curtamous
January
14, 2008 - Jak se maj!!! Howdy folks!!! I hope all is well out there... been a while since I put out a decent update, so why change today? I'm starting this early but I've already got conference calls set until noon... YUCK! We'll see when I get this done...
What's going on? Tons! But nothing you'd really be interested in... My new job/position is getting pretty rough. I had plenty to do before and now I'm looking at a LOT more thrown on top. It could be interesting over the next few weeks and months... I'm sure its going to affect my ability to get weekly diatribe updates out, so if you don't see one, too bad... I'll get back to you as soon as I can... Its not like your life hangs on this... :-)
The big news of the weekend? NFL football!!! The Packers, despite an early scare, ran the
Holmgren Seagawks right out of town. What a trouncing! It probably could not have been a better game. To have that early deficit and then to run right over Hassleback and his mouth was SOOO sweet! Then, to put a cherry on top of it, Dallas stunk up the joint yesterday and now the Gi-Ants are coming to town for the NFC Championship game. Can you see Favre in the Superbowl? It almost seems too perfect... One game at a time...
Did anyone see Owens crying last night? What the heck? I'm no Owens fan, but THERE'S NO CRYING IN FOOTBALL!!! The media even seemed to cut him some slack... They should have smelled blood in the water and attacked... Man, the "That's my quarterback!" crap and the "Its not fair!" boloney just about had me puking... "Oh, its the media!" That losers LIVES by the media, and he turns on them?!?!? They should have ripped him to
shreds...
Got THAT out of my system...
Did I mention work sucks? OK... On to the drinking schedule...
14 Sanford & Son debuted (1972). When you get your bar tab, pretend to have a heart attack.
Ripple.
15 Feast of the Ass (Roman). We’re 90% sure they were talking about a donkey.
Jamaican Ass-Kicker
2 oz Barcardi 151 Rum
6 oz chilled Jolt Cola
Pour the rum over ice, top with cola.
16 US Prohibition begins (1920). AKA What the Hell Were We Thinking Day. Rum Runner.
17 Benjamin Franklin’s Birthday (1706). Said: “Beer is proof that God loves us.”
Anchor Liberty Ale.
18 Festival of Women as Cultivators (Persian). Bet the ladies were excited about this one.
Farmer’s Cocktail
1/2 oz dry vermouth
1/2 oz sweet vermouth
1 oz gin
2 dashes bitters
Stir ingredients with ice, strain.
19 Neon advertising sign patented (1889). Never again would drunks wonder, “Is that a bar?”
The first alcohol you see advertised in neon.
20 International Hat Day. Your chance to finally wear that fedora in public.
Mad Hatter
1 oz vodka
1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz lemonade
1 oz Coca-Cola
Shake with ice, strain.
Nothing really jumps out at me, but I'm in! Plus, I get to
acquire a fedora! ...and that Farmer's Cocktail does sound interesting...
Here's a good submission for the new year from the Jack/Ass team...
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Ladies, men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
Teach a person to use the Internet
And they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ..
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
When you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
Lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00
And a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?
How on target is this???
Not much of an update on the BBC newsletter... I'm still begging for article submission... It may be June before I get that published...
Busy week ahead... Work as always... Hope to head to Milwaukee this Saturday where the Denville BBallers will be playing at the Bradley Center before the Bucks game. Other than that, I think that's it... this time of year is usually a little slow, so its no big
surprise...
Pretty crappy update, but that's all I have... At least I have something out here...
Before I go, a few words of wisdom for our junior members...
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you." --Anonymous
That is PERFECT for our junior members...
Go Packers!!!!
As Red would say, "Keep your stick on the ice!"
curtamous
January 7, 2008 - Jak se maj!!! Happy 2008!!! No update today... Got sent to Chicago today... LOTS of fog on the way down last night until I hit Milwaukee... then it was clear... weird...
Hope you all have a great week... get those newsletter articles in...
curtamous
Last Updated: Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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